Managing Difficult Relationships During the Holidays

The holiday season is a time for togetherness, joy, and celebration. But for many of us, it can also bring stress, especially when it comes to navigating tricky family dynamics. Christmas gatherings often see emotions running high, with old patterns and unspoken expectations resurfacing. If you’ve ever felt judged, misunderstood, or anxious about spending time with certain relatives, you’re not alone.

In this post, let’s explore how to manage difficult relationships during the holidays and maintain your sense of peace, even in challenging situations.

Why Holiday Relationships Feel Hard

Gathering with family can bring up feelings of expectation. Perhaps you’ve felt that others expect you to act a certain way or even caught yourself wishing others would behave differently. These unspoken dynamics often lead to judgment—of others and of ourselves—creating tension that feels hard to shake.

When these feelings arise, it helps to pause and ask:

• Do I feel judged?

• Am I judging others?

Often, the discomfort we feel in relationships stems from internal stories we’ve created about others or ourselves. Understanding these stories is the first step toward shifting your experience.

Understanding Triggers

“Triggers” have become a popular term in discussions about relationships. When someone says or does something that elicits a strong emotional reaction, we often feel as if they’ve pulled a metaphorical trigger. But what if the “gun”—the emotional reaction—was already loaded within us? The truth is, the words and actions of others don’t create our feelings. Instead, they bring up what’s already inside us.

Here’s an analogy to consider: Imagine someone throwing an unpleasant object your way. You can either catch it and hold onto it, or you can let it pass by. Too often, we catch what others throw—their criticisms, negativity, or blame—and make it our own by building stories around it. Instead, practice dodging it. Just because someone throws something doesn’t mean you have to catch it.

Practical Steps to Stay Centered

So, how can you shift your experience when faced with challenging relationships? Here are a few actionable steps:

1. Check In With Yourself

Before any family gathering, take some time to reflect. Grab a pen and paper and ask yourself:

• How do I feel about seeing this person?

• What emotions or thoughts come up when I think about them?

Awareness of your feelings allows you to approach the situation more intentionally.

2. Understand That It’s Not About You

When someone lashes out or directs negativity toward you, remember that it’s not truly about you. Their words and actions reflect their inner state. By recognizing this, you can avoid personalizing their behavior.

3. Don’t Catch What They Throw

If someone criticizes or judges you, visualize their words passing by like a ball you’ve chosen not to catch. Instead of holding onto what’s thrown at you, let it go. This simple mental shift can prevent unnecessary emotional baggage.

4. Protect Your Energy

Your energy doesn’t need protection from others; it needs protection from the thoughts you choose. When faced with negativity, decide to focus your thoughts on something that feels good instead. Redirect your mental energy to what uplifts you.

5. Rewrite the Story

Often, we build stories around difficult people: “They’re always so critical” or “They ruin every gathering.” These narratives keep us stuck in the same dynamic. Try rewriting the story. Focus on facts rather than emotions, and imagine a positive version of the interaction.

The Power of Being Yourself

Too often, we focus on wanting others to change. “If only they’d behave differently, we’d get along better,” we think. But real transformation begins within. By choosing to show up as your best self, grounded in love and self-respect, you can shift the dynamic of any relationship. While others may not change immediately, your energy can influence the interaction and create a more positive environment.

Loving yourself—truly valuing who you are—is one of the most powerful steps you can take toward creating the relationships you desire. It’s also the foundation for living a life you love.

This Christmas, if you find yourself in the presence of someone who challenges you, remember:

• Their negativity is about them, not you.

• You don’t have to catch what they throw.

• You have the power to rewrite the story and focus on what makes you feel good.

Approach your relationships with intention, self-awareness, and love. When you do, you’ll find that even the most difficult dynamics can begin to shift. And most importantly, you’ll maintain your peace and joy—the greatest gifts of all.

Here’s to a harmonious and happy holiday season!